Finding My Balance by Mariel Hemingway

Broadening my obsession with Ernest Hemingway, I’ve just read a memoir by his granddaughter, Mariel Hemingway. Yoga is used as a literary device throughout the memoir, so since I’ve been taking an Ashtanga yoga series of classes, I thought that this would be especially appropriate to read now. (Mariel practices Hatha yoga, not Ashtanga, but close enough.) Two interests in one book pushed it to the top of my Books To Read List (which currently has upwards of 50 books on it).

Mariel’s memoir is much more about her spiritual journey than the actual events of her and her family’s lives.  Of course, some kind of context is needed to understand the journey, so certain aspects and specific events are covered. Events are not the drivers of the story, but rather they are used to illustrate the truths that Mariel has discovered throughout her life. These events and circumstances clearly show why Mariel’s spiritual journey toward balance and health was particularly arduous. The Hemingway family has experienced more than its fair share of death and mental suffering. Of Mariel’s own immediate family, only one sister survives, who also suffers from mental illness. Mariel was also the main support for both her mother and her husband during their intense cancer treatments. Add to this the pressures of being an actress from a famous family and it’s clear that staying grounded would become very challenging for anyone in the same position.

One thing I particularly enjoyed about this memoir is that it’s not from the perspective of the wayward youth who rebels in response to a stressful home life. Mariel is the dutiful child. She is loyal and stays close to those who need her when there are problems. While her reasons for doing so and the methods that she chose were not always mentally healthy, it is remarkable that she never became self-destructive as the rest of her family did. This isn’t usually the perspective that I typically hear and it was a welcome change.

Mariel is the daughter of Jack Hemingway, who was Ernest’s son with Hadley Richardson. I was very surprised that there was no mention of Hadley or any of the extended Hemingway family, such as cousins or uncles. (Ernest died a few months before Mariel’s birth.) I would have been interested to know more about their family relationships. However, perhaps her extended family was not that integral to her life if she did not include anything about it. It also occurs to me that Finding My Balance is over ten years old and Hadley has only recently become a household name due to the popularity of The Paris Wife by Paula McLain. I’m not sure if that has any bearing on her exclusion in the memoir.

I think that due to my age, I have a different perspective on why Mariel is famous. She identifies herself throughout the memoir as an actress by profession, while I recognize her from yoga DVDs since I haven’t actually ever watched a movie that she has been in. So for me, I had expected that yoga was very important to her. I’m curious how someone who would have been more familiar with Mariel as an actress might have thought of her experiences or solutions.

Yoga is the key to the balance that Mariel finds. She opens each chapter with a yoga pose, explaining how to do it and how it is significant to her growth. As a yoga student, I appreciated that she could admit that even after years of practice, she sometimes doesn’t feel strong in a pose or can’t stretch as far as she could the day before.

I did enjoy the yoga segments, but when I read descriptions of the book I was concerned that I would not. Spiritual wisdom can often come off as preachy or condescending or just as full of shit. Last summer I tried to read The Pilgrimage by Paolo Coehlo, which is about the author’s experience walking the Camino de Santiago, since I was going there also and I loved The Alchemist. However, I couldn’t stand all the proselytizing. It felt disingenuous. Thankfully, there was none of that in Finding My Balance. There were words of wisdom, usually arrived at after a series of steps in the wrong direction. It felt much more human and relatable.

Her documentary, Running from Crazy, was just shown at Sundance last month, so it’s been getting a lot of press lately. It looks like it'll be airing on OWN later this year.  (Source)

Favorite Excerpts:

“I’m learning that the faults that I find in others are great indicators at what I should look at in myself.”

“Like the deaths we deal with – of habit, youth, changing friendships, joys gone by, out loved ones – life is a practice of surrender.”

“..crisis has a way of empowering us.”

“Rather than trying to figure out who I am, I am learning to accept the person that I now understand myself to be.”

Earlier today, Mariel tweeted a link to a short interview that she did which included her favorite of her grandfather’s characters. I replied that Lady Brett from The Sun Also Rises is also my favorite Hemingway character and she re-tweeted it. I also follow her on Instagram. She seems lovely and very genuine. 

Edit 2/16/13: One shared experience between Mariel and Ernest did occur to me this week. Mariel explains how eating habits were always an issue for her. She craved the hollow buzzing feeling that comes from too much caffeine and sugars paired with too little nutrients. Ernest similarly embraced the feeling of hollowness that came with being hungry. He mentions it in both Islands In the Stream and in A Moveable Feast.